Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
