A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
