What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
how does that bad decision feel?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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