Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
