I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
