is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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