Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We're too hungover to prance.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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