the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
