I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
