when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
