I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
