At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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