What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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