Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can I color on your dick again?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
