Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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