I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
