Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
