wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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