Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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