i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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