I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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