I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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