it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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