After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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