Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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