Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Where is the hickey?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
