Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
