Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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