I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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