Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
