Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
