only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Houston, we have a squirter
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
