great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
