____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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