Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
