ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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