I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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