I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
