The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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