"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
50% drunk capacity currently
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
