Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
