I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
