I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
