Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
