and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
