Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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