She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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