'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
