I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
