i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
