So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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