Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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