yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
