Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
