Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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