it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
